What does it really mean to be looked on in a negative sense

Today something happened that really got me thinking a co constituent referred to me as his nxxger he immediately apologized​ for it but the damage was done this is not the first controversial talk I’ve heard from him or a few other co constituents there was meme of how to prevent watermelon theft it showed a klansman with rifle shooting at a black person I’ve heard a constituent tell a Jewish constituent that “I thought we burned all of you sob’s up” another statement from constituents​ “It’s a good thing we came over and took this country all the Indians were nothing but savages”This is the kind of behavior is why we can’t move forward I’ve heard that word I heard today all my life and it’s never been used in a good way some fellow African American have taken the word and turned it around and used it as greeting in defiance as to what the origin of what the word really meant you can not say with your mouth my best friend is black, etc but with your heart refer to us as nxxger that’s hypocrisy I’d much rather you not say a word to me than to clown like you really like me I be been disrespected by my stepchildren and in-laws and other members of this community with their racist ideology you refuse to see equality in it’s true form not all us African Americans are thugs or pants sagging villans some of you would know that if you took the time to get to know us in some cases animals are shown more love than we are all we ever did was wanting to be equal which is our God given right.